Why I Don't Want My Husband In The Delivery Room
I realize that this sounds horrible, but I genuinely am not interested in having my husband present at the birth of our second child (if we are blessed with another baby). I love my husband - I'm crazy about him, and he's a wonderful dad to our son.
He was with me through the entire 15 hours of labor and delivery with our first child. He stayed awake all through the night, even though he hadn't slept for over 24 hours. He applied counter pressure to my right hip when I was hurting so badly I couldn't speak, I could only snap my fingers at him when I needed him. He held my knee up to my nose for 3 hours while I pushed (and pushed, and pushed) our sweet boy into the world. He took the first pictures of our baby, screaming on the scale. You get it - he was a trooper, and very supportive. But the second time around, I don't want him in the room. Here's why:
1.) With our first baby I was very embarrassed about going through all the yuck and nasty with my husband watching the entire show. I had diarrhea - really bad - from the beginning of labor. During transition, I was on all fours swaying back and forth with my bare behind shining for the world to see. I kept thinking about how I didn't want him to see me that way. It made me incredibly tense, which can slow progress in labor.
2.) He later told me that he felt completely useless. Men, as much as they can send love and good vibes, really can't and don't know how to help women during labor. I would much rather have the support of a doula who knows exactly what women need during labor.
3.) It's nice to have a little bit of mystery in your marriage. Labor and deliver puts it all out there. Under a spot light. With an audience.
4.) Labor is so much easier if you are able to concentrate only on controlling your breath. I kept thinking about things like "has Alex eaten today? He must be starving, I need to get this baby out so he can rest and eat. Is anybody taking care of the dog?" I needed to focus on the job at hand, but with my husband present, I couldn't keep my mind still.
5.) After you give birth, someone needs to be able to take care of you so that you can recover and focus on caring for your baby. If you and your husband are both exhausted, that can't happen. Alex and I were so tired after our baby was born, neither of us got more than a few hours of sleep for several weeks. Obviously some sleep deprivation is expected with a new baby, but it would have been much easier if he would have had the energy to take care of the baby for a few hours while I rested after delivery.
Agree or disagree? I would love to hear your thoughts :)
He was with me through the entire 15 hours of labor and delivery with our first child. He stayed awake all through the night, even though he hadn't slept for over 24 hours. He applied counter pressure to my right hip when I was hurting so badly I couldn't speak, I could only snap my fingers at him when I needed him. He held my knee up to my nose for 3 hours while I pushed (and pushed, and pushed) our sweet boy into the world. He took the first pictures of our baby, screaming on the scale. You get it - he was a trooper, and very supportive. But the second time around, I don't want him in the room. Here's why:
1.) With our first baby I was very embarrassed about going through all the yuck and nasty with my husband watching the entire show. I had diarrhea - really bad - from the beginning of labor. During transition, I was on all fours swaying back and forth with my bare behind shining for the world to see. I kept thinking about how I didn't want him to see me that way. It made me incredibly tense, which can slow progress in labor.
2.) He later told me that he felt completely useless. Men, as much as they can send love and good vibes, really can't and don't know how to help women during labor. I would much rather have the support of a doula who knows exactly what women need during labor.
3.) It's nice to have a little bit of mystery in your marriage. Labor and deliver puts it all out there. Under a spot light. With an audience.
4.) Labor is so much easier if you are able to concentrate only on controlling your breath. I kept thinking about things like "has Alex eaten today? He must be starving, I need to get this baby out so he can rest and eat. Is anybody taking care of the dog?" I needed to focus on the job at hand, but with my husband present, I couldn't keep my mind still.
5.) After you give birth, someone needs to be able to take care of you so that you can recover and focus on caring for your baby. If you and your husband are both exhausted, that can't happen. Alex and I were so tired after our baby was born, neither of us got more than a few hours of sleep for several weeks. Obviously some sleep deprivation is expected with a new baby, but it would have been much easier if he would have had the energy to take care of the baby for a few hours while I rested after delivery.
Agree or disagree? I would love to hear your thoughts :)
A doula would definitely minimize most of your issues. Their job is parental support, so as long as you trust your doula, not only will she be there for you when you need somebody to apply counter pressure on your hip, she will tell your hubby to go take a nap or get a snack when she senses that he needs a break. Again, assuming you trust her to do that, you can focus on your job at hand, because she knows that if she takes care of the little non-labor things (like Alex) then your job will be easier and smoother!
ReplyDeleteWe just talked with a doula last night. I'm excited to have that extra support, but I'm also excited for Jason to be there. :-)
Definitely exciting, and especially for your first baby, he won't want to miss that.
Delete